Why Am I Hiding My Transition? MtF

Are you questioning your gender identity? But scared of telling your family?

Well I’ve been there and I currently still am and we can both agree that it’s not an easy road.

Family support is a lot more than just the emotional aspect of it. You have to think about many other factors like “I’m still financially dependent on them while I'm in school, or I’m currently living in their house, and the list goes on.

I think 2 of the hardest to get through when you're questioning your gender identity, is 1) being able to do that self exploration and separate all the stigmas from actual truth. Then the 2nd is thinking about how that decision will affect your relationships, especially with family.

But with the proper planning you can live your dream life and be who you deserve to be.

In my situation, I’m currently in my last year of school and as of 2 months ago I have started transitioning with hormones. I’ve chosen to start on a low dose and hide my transition for the 1st year until I can get my degree and secure a good job so that I’ll be ready for the worst when my family comes to know.

It’s important to know that hormones work differently from person to person and that once you start transitioning, it’s hard to turn back. You have to be sure this is what you want and think about planning out what your life will look like after starting HRT

Many people think it was an overnight decision for me to decide I’m trans but it hasn’t been, and anyone in the LGBTQ+ community can relate to the amount of ignorance that goes on in this world.

When I first came to the discovery that I am trans, I made sure to plan out what life would look like after transitioning, my career, my financial game plan, my future family, and more. That’s when I knew this is what I wanted to do but I knew I was running a slippery slope with my family.

Even though my family can be quite toxic, the one thing I will always be thankful for is that they want to see me do well in life. That might mean in the way that they want it, but regardless of the fact, it’s not common to find people in the world like that, and that is one of the saddest realities I had to learn growing up.

My family immigrated to the U.S a few years before I was born, and education has always been very important for them. They’ve always wanted me to go to college and get a “reputable” degree that will help me secure a good job in the future. Though I am extremely thankful for this, they didn’t truly know me, the struggles I went through, my identity, and most importantly my purpose in life.

I completely respect where they come from with securing a good job with a degree but it just wasn’t my story. I want to spend my energy working towards helping nurture my passion instead of working a 9-5 that I didn’t truly enjoy.

For those who don’t know, the last couple of years in my life was a little different from a normal college student. I ran away from Virginia to Massachusetts, I joined the military but then got injured, and I’ve recently started back in University, but this time with purpose and direction that depressed and hopeless me didn’t have.

Growing up being constantly compared to people in my family with degrees and good high paying jobs in a way was expected of me to follow, but little did I know that the identity I had been suppressing, would soon lead to the depression that held me back from reaching that path.

After I got medically discharged from the military, I decided to come back to school and get that degree younger me was struggling to get. This time I came back older, wiser, and with a dream I hadn’t had before. A dream to turn the struggles I’ve faced growing up, into acts of kindness and service to people who face a similar struggle. To create awareness and to help people not have to go through what I went through.

Now I’m at a point in life, where I’m stuck in between two roads, one where I should be looking into internships for my Marketing Major and the other road: My YouTube and Influencer Passion.

Business is all about risk and if I’ve learned one thing from my major it’s that time is money. I want to spend all my time, my heart, my energy into a passion that can help people like me, and use my strengths in the right places.

Even though I am in a confusing place in life right now, I will continue to take one step at a time and trust the process. As of now I am planning to come out and live my life as a woman next summer of 2023 but who knows what the future holds:)

I really hope you found today’s video useful, and if you enjoyed the video, please please please like and subscribe so I know to keep on making more content like this!

I love you all so much and I’ll see you in my next video! Byeeeeeee